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You Know You're From Glen Rock When....

Glen Rock, New Jersey. A place we've all come to know and love. Enjoy the list, and feel free to leave your own points in the guestbook... unless they're not funny.
February 9th-2005... Some updates for those who have graduated from the Rock:
Fortch left the school due to an interest in real estate and a cancer diagnosis. She was replaced by Frank McDermott, officially making him the 5th McDermott (no relation) currently teaching in Glen Rock.
Saddle Brook and Glen Rock successfully merged into one wrestling team.
It is reported that this will be Mr. Odenwald's last year at Glen Rock.
Favorite Quote:
An unidentified senior male tried to make a silk screen of a "Play Beirut" logo, cups, and of course a ping pong ball. While he was in his final stages, Sponz discovered the crime.
Sponz: "**** You can't make that shirt anymore. You and I would both get in trouble..
Senior: Ok, sorry Sponz. I'll stop.
Sponz: Yeah, the administration knows that you're playing that game with beer before basketball games.
Senior: Oh... well.. ok.

Brought to you by
Glen Rock's Finest...
"We WILL drink 105 AND
we sure are FREAKING WITTY"


  • You’ve had to walk at least two blocks from your car to school.
  • You know who Conchetta is and why you should become friends with her.
  • You feel Loyola, Muhlenberg, etc. should be renamed Glen Rock University
  • You can name at least 3 cafeteria ladies and their areas of service
  • You’ve signed up on the Beirut list more than once
  • You know that Beirut will always be cooler than Beer Pong, even if they are the same thing
  • You know what Nati is and have enjoyed its cool refreshment on several occasions
  • You hate Saddle Brook
  • Everyone knows your business
  • You know everyone’s business
  • You’ve been to several Glen Rock football games
  • You’ve been told by seniors to “stand the F up” at a football game
  • You know that Charlie Brown is more than a comic and Dynamite is ONLY for seniors
  • You know Paterson is only good for two things: liquor and getting shot at
  • You know Fair Lawn CVS is only good for one thing: Trojans
  • You know that when students talk about “the race” they aren’t talking about track
  • You know “bonesaw” is not just from Spiderman
  • You wish Jesus Man would start hanging out in town more
  • You know the Glen Rock Inn is where parents party after football games, college kids go for the holidays, and old men watch Monday Night Football
  • You’ve never attended a homecoming dance sober
  • 7/11’s sole purpose is to aid in throwing slurpees and buying lottery tickets
  • You have went on to to check Mr. Bostonian’s profile
  • You have said the phrases “I’m not gonna lie” “Nah Dude” “Flat Out” or “Gonzo” shamelessly
  • You went to John Boy’s your whole life until middle school, when you converted to Aldo’s. By the time you hit high school you were loyal again to John’s.
  • You try to tell yourself that Broad Street is technically in Ridgewood.
  • You have your own Webshots or just relentlessly look at other people’s
  • Its not the Bagel Gourmet, it’s the Bagel Shop
  • You know who says the phrase “Awhoaee”
  • You checked the Keg Race ’04 website. Even though you weren’t a senior.
  • You can choose from 100 beauty parlors but usually go out of town to get your hair cut anyway
  • You are 99.9% sure your Junior Prom will be at Macalusos
  • You can name everyone in your grade. And the grade above you. And the grade below you.
  • It is just assumed you will go to college
  • You are able to name 9 out of 10 people who walk past you in town
  • You are not physically able to get lost in the town
  • You know who Choo Choo Charlie is and feel kinda bad for him
  • You can choose from 100 banks but usually just go to the ATM by Starbucks anyway
  • You live within 20 minutes of four malls, yet if you say you are going to the mall we all know you mean Garden State Plaza
  • You know that going “uptown” and “downtown” were the same thing- it just depended on what elementary school you went to
  • Your family skipped Sleazeside and Wildwood in favor of LBI, which you explained as “going down the shore”
  • You know that the elementary school you went to was the best and the most cool kids came from there (unless its Coleman… we can all agree Coleman sucks.)
  • You know that there’s no such thing as inviting “one more person to a party”
  • You’ve been to Clinton Road and nearly peed your pants
  • You’ve visited the Bump, Forest Road, or Lynack Road once you got your license
  • You think the Speed Hump is the biggest joke ever and you wish you had stole the sign
  • You believe that the soccer team is a cult that produces state champions year after year
  • You know what the Pit is and are embarrassed to say you visit it every fall Friday
  • You know what the Rooster shop was
  • You know that Disease is not an illness
  • You’ve been to Greg Murray’s house
  • You've been to Purvik's House
  • You only bring a cell phone and $5 out on Saturdays
  • You love Applebees
  • You have been to CPK and only refer to it as CPK
  • You think that the concept of using agendas as hall passes is ridiculous
  • You know why a pink slip is bad and a yellow slip is good
  • You went to Friendlys after every middle school dance or show
  • You order from Nicks for lunch on a regular basis
  • You think Wendy’s Late Night was an amazing creation


  • 11/7: You took the time to read this whole list.
  • 11/7: You have chanted "JUSTIN BRONNER"
  • 11/7: The best day of your week is when they serve curly fries
  • 11/7: When you think every other girl is giving you a dirty look
  • 11/7: When you buried a keg in the football field
  • 11/7: You cheer for Paterson Catholic during basketball season
  • 11/7: You know who the DG's are
  • 11/7: You hate Pomo for reasons you can't even begin to explain
  • 11/7: You learn more from the janitors than the teachers
  • 11/7: You claim you hate this place yet you secretly wish to raise your family here
  • 11/7: You really dont talk to anyone outside "the bubble"
  • 11/7: You get chills when you hear the name Lois
  • 11/7: People know who you drunkenly hooked up with before you do
  • 11/7: You play DDR and Texas Hold 'Em
  • 11/7: You know you cant show up at "The Biv" (Rivaras) until Thanksgiving Break of your freshman year of college
  • 11/7: You could eat the school cookies forever and never get sick of them
  • 11:7: You believe past Glen Rock football players are demigods: Scott Stephen (birdman he apparently likes to be called) Grant Adams, Chris Leonard, Robbie Grammer, etc...
  • 11/7: Although you can name all the kids in your grade, in the grade above you and below swear that an on-going joke in our administration is switching Joy and Janice Park in and out of each other's classes on a daily basis and wondering if we all notice...
  • 11/8: You check the Gazette's police briefs to see if you know anyone
  • 11/8: You'd get it on with atleast one of the special ed teachers
  • 11/8: When you hear someone complaining it reminds you of "Bronner's whiiiiining.... Bronner's cryyyying...He is a baaaaby he has no p***n***s"
  • 11/8: You know who the original Mr. Kegrace is, and not the old Italian man who runs the soapbox derby
  • 11/8: You were a part of or enjoyed the humor of the Coffin Corner
  • 11/8: You refer to Glen Ave as the Glen Rock Autobahn
  • 11/8: Teachers know your name and your parents' names even if you never had them
  • 11/8: You realize that running from the cops is more fun than the party itself
  • 11/8: You say 1...2...8012
  • 11/8: You find yourself fantasizing about Roberta Da Giau
  • 11/8: You're the only soccer team to lose against cheerleaders in a tug of war
  • 11/8: Driving through town is the classic thing to do on boring nights
  • 11/8: You can leave school in the middle of the day to go get bagels, dunkin, starbucks, etc. and walk back into the building past administration who will do nothing about it
  • 11/8: Mrs. Schumaeker scares you more than GRHS linemen
  • 11/8: You have been to the football forum
  • 11/8: You know who "mesh man" is
  • 11/8: You smell Nabisco when its about to rain
  • 11/8: You viciously take advantage of the fact that the Asian guy at Pathmark liquors doesn't speak English and would take your ID if it was from Estonia
  • 11/8: You no longer think that it is strange that your town is named after a rock in a glen while at the same time the rock is sitting in the middle of town
  • 11/8: You have inside jokes with Bob the Janitor. You're not sure how they started, but you have them.
  • 11/8: You know who LGs and LBs are and you tease those who associate with them
  • 11/8: You go to the Glen Rock Pool all the time when you're younger and eventually work there.
  • 11/8: Eric Reamy is your best friend
  • 11/8: You know Sponzie
  • 11/8: You enjoy doing a Fortch impersonation
  • 11/8: You know that about 90% of the school has seen this website
  • 11/8: You know what's going on with every couple in the school. Even if you don't talk to either member of the couple.
  • 11/8: You have chanted "GO TO WORK"
  • 11/8: You take pride in the "SAT SCORES" chant
  • 11/8: You have driven with Parsons for 6 hours, only going to his house in Little Ferry to grab some eats
  • 11/8: You have the link to this site on your away message or buddy info
  • 11/9: You've got in a vicious verbal fight with a parent from another team at a sporting event
  • 11/9: You only read Sparknotes for Odenwalds English Class and still got an A
  • 11/9: You know Mr. Buck's "secret"
  • 11/9: You know what McCrary's nickname in high school was
  • 11/9: It's taylor ham NOT a pork roll-- and you eat it at the cafeteria no matter how stale the roll is
  • 11/9: You know Mr. White's political beliefs and soft drink preferences, Fortch's favorite food, and what Fox's tattoo is of
  • 11/9: You've yelled "KEGS KICKED EVERYONE OUT"
  • 11/9: You can name the owner of every car on Radburn
  • 11/9: You know the SAT scores and rank of everyone in your class, AND what schools they're applying to
  • 11/9: You know someone who's been babysat by Lauren Lynch
  • 11/9: You know who T-Res is but not why he is called that
  • 11/9: Upon seeing the painted faces of the Saddle Brook fans you had the incredible urge to yell lines from Braveheart
  • 11/9: You call "FIVES" whenever you leave your seat
  • 11/9: Your childhood nights were spent under the lights at Colts/Mustangs/Pony football games
  • 11/9: You are angered by those who take up two spots when they ONLY NEED ONE!
  • 11/9: When someone asks for your opinion your answer always begins with "I Feel Like..."
  • 11/10: When there are more out of town freaks then Glen Rock Kids at a party (JD's- 10/6/04)
  • 11/10: Freshman boys get their candy taken at Halloween
  • You swear you were the one who "called" the Mr. Fernandez/Ms.Reidy hook up and eventual marriage
  • 11/10: You love DMB/Dave
  • 11/10: You know that when a person says "I Like You" or "You're Good" that ACTUALLY means they hate you
  • 11/10: You miss Lauren Spitz (and her parties!) dearly
  • 11/10: You count down the days until you can leave the bubble for three years, but then you never want to graduate during your senior year
  • 11/10: You frequently got letters home from the principal of your elementary school saying "A suspicious person was seen looking around the school" or "Beware of white vans"
  • 11/10: You know who the Gypsies are
  • 11/10: You know that Jim Kurz is the REAL mayor of Glen Rock
  • 11/10: The football team gets out at 12:30 for a 7:30 game
  • 11/10: You've been hit with Mr. Beatini's rubber chicken
  • 11/15: You've gotten credit carded
  • 11/15: Your parents write you a note to get out of school on senior cut day
  • 11/15: You miss core classes to watch football and soccer games
  • 11/15: You look in the Bergen Record Sports Section to read about your friends (or yourself)
  • 11/15: You've had Mr. Deaett as a teacher and so have your parents
  • 11/15: You've had a teacher who hasnt missed a day of school since you were born
  • 11/15: You know that Nick's Deli screws up the orders but you still find yourself ordering from them every day
  • 11/18: You have a teacher who attended GRHS
  • 11/18: When even the teachers talk about this site in school
  • 11/18: When someone drives by you and beeps-- you don't know who they are at the time but you wave anyway because you can just assume you know them.
  • 11/18:You've been pulled over ten times but never ticketed
  • 11/18: You've shopped at Abercrombie, Gap, American Eagle, or Hollister
  • 11/18: You've used puff paint
  • 11/18: You can recite every lines from Old School and/or Mean Girls
  • 11/18: You get a B+ or an A- and are upset by it
  • 11/18: You think the kids from Ridgewood are rich pansies and the kids from Hawthorne steal bikes
  • 11/18: You've seen Mr. Deaett reading a book while driving
  • 11/18: Football season starts before the school year even ends
  • 11/18: You failed at least one of Choma's tests
  • 11/18: Your parents have attended a beefsteak dinner, even though they don't know what "beefsteak" actually is
  • 11/22: You get the special price at John's Boys
  • 11/22: You go to CVS and see atleast three people you know
  • 11/22: You've seen Mrs. Todd's rain dance
  • 11/22: You move to Hoboken right after college
  • 11/22: You have tried to egg a teacher's house on Goosey Night/Halloween
  • 11/22: 90 percent of the things you say are sarcastic in nature
  • 11/22: You think retreats are the greatest thing in the world--- but if you don't go on them, you make aforementioned sarcastic comments on how the entire school loves each other for one week then everyone goes back to their sarcasm.
  • 11/22: If you are a girl- the words "middle school" send shivers down your spine
  • 11/22: You go to college to start a new life away from Glen Rock- but chances are you will just date someone from Glen Rock anways
  • 11/22: You feel kind of silly coming home from school and going to things like Homecoming-- but you have to go, you miss it.
  • 11/22: You drive an SUV or a Honda Civic
  • 11/22: You wished Brodhead was your guidance counselor, or thanked God if you already had him
  • 11/22: You dreaded hearing Kesin's morning announcements ("rain showers")
  • 11/30: You complain that there are not enough house parties yet you would never actually have one at your house
  • 11/30: you've been dropped off by a bunch of hot ass guys in some random parking lot in Hohokus, because the guys were trying to scare you and actually didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and feel bad that they did ( love you boys! we can laugh about it now)
  • 11/30: You learned from Mr. Woogen that when you assume... you make an ass out of u and me
  • 11/30: You've watched film in Deaett's "office" regardless of whether you're on the football team or not
  • 11/30: You were misquoted in the Glen Echo
  • 11/30: You get a yearbook, but don't have anyone sign it
  • 12/2: You know someone in the Glass/Mapes/Lange Family (holla at a playa Carol)
  • 12/2: You'd rather have Sneyers than Lanier no matter how much Ms. Sneyers plays favorites.
  • 12/2: You fantasize about "doin it" on the Rock (first of all, who actually says "doin it" and second of all, i Don't, but hey- no judgement calls)
  • 12/2: You didn't know Glen Rock had hockey or wrestling
  • 12/2: You know that the Websense at school is complete B.S. (they didnt block this website! HA SILLY ADMINISTRATION!)
  • 12/2: You got an A in McCrary. Period
  • 12/2: If you're a girl, you had a sleepover with 95% of the girls in your grade at some point in your life. (So true, funny who our friends once were- SHOUT OUT Naoko, Yoshiko, I LOVE YOU GIRLS)
  • 12/2: You blast your music with the windows down in your car leaving school.
  • 12/2: You go see GradBall every year
  • 12/2: you stand outside johns boy, aldos, and the movie station in the freezing cold in middle school because there were to many poeple to go to someones house (or at the pony football games so you could kiss people while everyone else stood in a circle and watched... I mean WHAT?!)
  • 12/2: You complained about doing the Hoagie Drive
  • 12/2: The Keg Race started in 1989 (hmm.. didn't know. Well it probably ended in 2004... sorry guys.)
  • 12/2: You touch all the cookies before you find the ones you want.
  • 12/2: you need to stop adding stupid senior only inside jokes, bc this website makes no sense anymore. No1 from glen rock understands them anymore if your not in the senior class-thank you bitch (You're sweet- really. Here's the thing though... I MADE THE WEBPAGE and noones forcing you to look at it. So stop crying and start being witty whoever you are darling.)
  • AND ON THAT NOTE... thats all I have for December 2nd... keep adding...
  • 12/6:You failed beatini's class at least once
  • 12/6: you move away and you realize how much glen rock sucks and the people in it are really stuck up and have no idea what the rest of the world is like outside of the bubble. ( Seriously... save the drama for your mama. This was one out of like 100 additions I got that were just like this. The people who send things like this are the same ones who cry when they read about people trashing Lower Doremus. )
  • 12/6:  You refer to the playground at coleman with the red slide as the "new playground" to this day, even tho its the oldest one there
  • 12/6: you had a crush on Dane at least once in elementary school, or middle school (HA! Love ya daneo, I didn't even write this one.)
  • 12/6: You're pretty sure your parents and your friends parents gossip more than you do
  • 12/6: you know that nymphius left to pursue his relationship with his long time track student/lover
  • 12/6: You drunk dial your exes every Saturday night
  • 1/9: You attended Studio Stars
  • 1/9: When you've said "Thanks" to Olivia Spitz and Aroon Patel. (LOVE IT!
  • 1/9: You got ISS from Civ for the dumbest reason possible
  • 1/9: You got accused of plaigarism by Ms. Schumaecker.
  • 1/9: You rocked to the "beats" of DJ Intake on December 31st, 2004
  • 1/9: You couldn't believe how many people did drugs when you got to college
  • 1/9: You dress up for holidays in school regardless of your religion or even if the holiday is a week away (Xmas, Halloween, Valentines Day, etc .)
  • 2/9: You've visited all the local diners on random nights.. Empress, Land and Sea, Matthews, Forum, etc.
  • 2/9: You've quoted Elf or Napoleon Dynamite
  • 2/9: You know all of your younger or older siblings friends and consider them your friends too
  • 2/9: You squeeze every bagel before you find the right one
  • 2/9: You remember Mr. Hook, his 360s, and why he got fired
  • 2/9: You know who "Bear" is
  • 2/9: Your ex-athletic trainer is in jail and everyone knows why

105- This Might Be The Closest We Will Ever Get...

Glen Rock High School Football Rules!

A Slice of Heaven on Earth

#1 Stunna

Glen Rock Cheerleaders. I mean Inspiration Leaders

Senior Cheering Section... POMO's A HOMO

The Water Jug Aint Just for Drinking Anymore

Boulevard will never be the same

Lynack Road... Keeps me Up at Night

Beirut- Tradition Never Graduates

Celebrations will never fill Rooster Shop's size 14 shoes

A Friend, Father, Brother, Companion, And Lover to many- Bob

By 2010 we will have the Grant Adams Gymnasium..

Conchetta DID ME RIGHT

Oh Dr. Cummins I miss you

Found on 10,000 cars in Glen Rock (including mine)

NATI- What a treat

State Champs Baby!

Boneless Buffalo...damn good

Some of my friends from P-Town

Prom Weekend... Good Times

Fair Lawn CVS- Shadyville USA

Dead Sexy Broads

Monopoly for the high school set

Throwing Slurpee at Girl in White Tee Shirt= Priceless

Friday nights under the lights...

Daryll Watkins- formerly of PC. Kid be dunkin on GR all night

Dance Dance thank you for helping me burn calories and laugh my ass off

The 4 S's of the Bubble- Soccer moms, Suvs, Starbucks, and Spoiled brats





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